Truths that She Learned
by JenLea
Summary: Companion to Blackbird MoJo Maureen goes into labor. The more she progresses, the more she thinks back on those she's lost and what's in store for the future. Read and Review!
1. Early Labor

Truths that She Learned

_Part one_

Disclaimer: As usual, I own no one!

Part: 1/3

Consider this a companion to Blackbird…

Maureen and Joanne might be SLIGHTLY OOC but I tried my best

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Why is she blaming me for the fact my water broke on her parents' expensive Persian Rug? Like I really told our daughter to come at such an inappropriate time…

Why won't she sit down? Miss Anal Retentive is driving me nuts.

"Pookie, would you _please _sit down?" I mutter, glaring at her. "You are making me nuts!" I rub my belly, ignoring the cramping in my back. "I know you're worried, but Angel will be fine," She sighs, sitting down.

"I know, Honey Bear." She sighs. "Angel Blackbird Jefferson… do we really need to keep Blackbird?" I am aghast. She knows where our baby gets the name "Blackbird" from, or I hope she does.

"Why would you even ask me that?" I snarl. "Joanne Jefferson, why would you even ask me that?" Normally, I'm the dramatic one, but she should know not to mess with a woman in labor.

"It's seems so outlandish!" she exclaims. I groan, wondering if I can throw the bedpan at her head. "Why would we saddle our daughter with a name like Blackbird?" As a contraction begins, I throw the bedpan towards her. "Don't be so dramatic,"

I breathe through the contraction, struggling to ignore how painful it really is. Why didn't my mother ever warn me? She knew I was pregnant. Why didn't she drop a postcard?

"Joanne, it was Collin's final word! You said we could have him pick the middle name," Of course, she doesn't know Collins as well as I do and would never get the chance. We were lucky he hadn't said Socrates or something equally odd. Blackbird was tame when it came down to it.

"He was delirious! Maybe he didn't know what he was saying,"

"Blackbird was his nickname for Angel,"

Mimi's quiet voice breaks the fight. As the contraction subsides, I am grateful for her arrival. I'll never admit it, but I am.

"Jo, go get some coffee. Mark and I will sit with her. Roger's outside," Mimi guides my partner to the door, as Mark stumbles in, with his camera.

"Mark, turn it off!" I wail. "I look horrible," I normally _love _the camera. However, that's when I can control what's going on. Right now, I have no control over anything and want no reminder.

Mimi takes my hand, tightly holding it. "How are you feeling?"

"Better now that Miss Anal Retentive is out of the room. She blamed me for my water breaking on her parents' expensive rug," I sniffle. "Then she wants to name our baby something normal!"

"Maureen, the two of you never get along," Mark points out.

"But _Still" _I whine. "She should be sympathetic to me! I'm the one being torn apart!" I face the monitor. "Maybe I should flirt with the nurse. She's hot enough," Mark blocks my view of her.

"Maureen, I think the contractions are going to your head," he murmurs, glancing to Mimi. "Mo, in all the years I've known you, you and Joanne fight, break up, get back together and then fight," I shrug. True but I am way too stubborn to admit it.

A contraction begins.

"Mo, no matter how much pain you're in, could you please let go?" Mimi sounds pained. "You're breaking my hand," I don't care. These contractions are killing me. "Ow," Wow. This is the first time I have ever heard Mimi squeak.

"Meems, switch with me," Mark says, grabbing my other hand. "You block her view of the nurse, and I'll deal with this," I let go of her hand. I grip Mark's hand even tighter. "If I ever marry, I am forcing her mother to do this,"

The contraction ends.

"Sorry," I murmur, lightly squeezing Mimi's hand. "I never knew how powerful my grip was," Mimi shrugs.

"Can't be any worse than what my sister did to me," she says. "Nothing beats being ten and having your hand broken by your big sister because she can't deal with pain," I nod.

"Mo, are you sure you're not having twins?" Mark asks. Once again, I am aghast. Why would he even ask me that? Did he want me to kill him? It definitely sounded like that to me. "You're so big,"

"Mark, you have a death wish," Mimi mutters, reading a poster on "The Three Stages of Labor". "Mo, don't even answer that,"

I hadn't planned on it.

"See the bedpan?" I point to the fallen metal object. "That's what happens when you mess with me." I feel slightly bad for throwing it at Pookie. "Can we walk?"

Mark and Mimi help me out of bed. I lean on Mark; afraid I'll crush Mimi. She seems so thin compared to me. Then again, I am roughly the size of a small whale.

The doctor has told me walking will help bring on contractions. Anything to get this kid out of me…

A contraction begins.

Goddamn, this hurts! This kid better never give me a hard time. If she does, Pookie can deal with it. I'm not going through all this pain, so, I can put up with lip in thirteen years. If she's anything like me, Pookie and I are in for an adventure.

Why did I ever agree to do this naturally? I may be a vegetarian, and into protests, but no one should be in this much pain. This is ridiculous. Why are there women who actually go through this ten times? Next time Pookie's going through this. It's only fair.

Oh, wow, it's over… and Mark's on the floor.

"Mo, next contraction, I think you should watch where you grab," Mimi murmurs, pointing to Mark, who is holding his crotch. Oops…did I do that?

"Sorry!" I exclaim, offering him my hand. He accepts it, but I notice he stays in front of me. Now I only have Mimi to lean on. I hope I don't crush her; Roger would kill me. "Where's Jo?" Now I want her with me.

"Probably still with Roger," Mark mumbles, groaning. He turns around. I realize he's slightly green. Probably an aftereffect of the Crotch shot…

"If it isn't our little mother!"

Benny…who told him I was here? Why is he standing in front of me? None of us have seen him in awhile, not since Collins' funeral. Ugh, great. Another person I can look psychotic in front of.

"Hello," I mutter, stiffly. "Never call me that again," Oh no… Clapping my hand over my mouth, I struggle to hold back. Instead, I puke on Benny's shoes. "Sorry," Ugh… Stuffed mushrooms look disgusting the second time around.

"It's fine," Benny says. "Why are you up and about?" I shrug.

"I want her out of me," This is the first time I have admitted it. I'm just afraid it makes me look bad that I am sick of being pregnant. "Walking is supposed to kick start things,"

"Is it?"

I can't answer because a contraction begins.

"Well, that's her third in ten minutes. They're about three minutes apart and one minute in length,"

Wow. Mark knows what's he doing. That's surprising, seeing as he can't keep a calm head in anything.

"Honey Bear,"

I glance up, just as the contraction ends. Pookie stands in front of me, holding a cup of coffee. For once, I am glad to see her.

"I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to want to change her name when it has so much meaning,"

Miss Anal Retentive admitting she's wrong? This has to be a first. I guess it's true. Having a baby brings out the best in people, even a stubborn lesbian and her bisexual whale.

Now, I lean on Pookie, walking back toward the room. She's a lot sturdier than Mark, or so it seems. Maybe it's because she's been with me the entire nine months. Who knows?

Time is the only concept I have never been able to understand. Sometimes it goes slow, and sometimes it goes fast. The past nine months have been fast. Now labor seems slow.

"Nurse is on her way in," Pookie announces. I nod, the only thing I can do. Contractions paralyze me as pain wracks my body. "Visualize buds opening into flowers,"

I am going to kill her mother for buying her that book. Just because I wanted a natural birth doesn't mean I want to have her hovering over me repeating a bunch of bullshit.

"Honey Bear, moan with the pain. Don't get high pitched. It will only make you more anxious," Ugh, she needs to shut up. I know she cares, but she is irritating me. Other than puking on Benny's shoes, I think I'm doing pretty well.

"Let's get you checked," an overly perky nurse says, snapping on a pair of rubber gloves. I wince. I hate that sound. She throws a blanket over my legs, and gently sticks her hand underneath. Doesn't she realize the contraction hasn't ended? Does she really think I'm going to let her do this to me during a contraction? "Is it over?" I nod. She continues the exam. "Five centimeters,"

It's been an hour and I've only progressed half a centimeter? Ugh. I am in for such a fun night…

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Well? Should I continue?


	2. Active Labor

Truths that She Learned

_Active Labor_

Nope… still own no one!

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Is it bad that I want to kill Pookie? I mean, she means well, but all this touching is driving me nuts! I don't want a cold pack on my belly. I don't want my back rubbed. I want to relax, and let this be done with.

"Honey Bear, you are doing so well!" Her encouragement sickens me. I feel worthless; especially with the fact my cervix is refusing to open. We've been here two hours and yet I've only dilated a centimeter. Our daughter would have to be stubborn, like me…

"Close your eyes and picture something red," Pookie murmurs. Oh no… she's at it again. For some reason, she thinks visualization will distract me, thus making labor go quicker. If anything, her visualization is making me nuts, especially with my contractions so close to together.

I start to scream; my contractions are more intense. Pookie hovers above me.

"The stronger it feels, the better it works,"

I'd like to see her go through this. She wouldn't be saying if that if she knew how much pain I was in. Whoever wrote that phrase needs to be shot. It is of no help whatsoever. Why is she doing this to me? Why won't she stop tormenting me?

"Jo, why don't you get some coffee?" Mark murmurs, glancing down at me. As the contraction ends, I throw him a grateful gaze. "Roger and I will stay here," Much to my surprise, she heads off towards the cafeteria.

"Thanks," I say, squeezing Roger's hand. "She means well, but her caring is making me nuts," I sigh. There is only one person that I really wanted with me, and I couldn't have him.

Collins had been my best friend, the only one to truly understand me. Even when I was being a complete drama queen, he still understood where I was coming from. He could dry my tears with a single smile. He had been the first person I had revealed my pregnancy to. He had named my baby in his dying breath.

I just really missed him.

"Where'd Benny go?" I wonder. "I feel bad for puking on his shoes," Roger gently squeezes my hand. "Why is Angel refusing to come?" I cross my arms, resting them on my ample chest. "Everything hurts and I want her out!"

Mark takes me in his arms. Quietly, I cry on his shoulder. I am just so stressed, and tired. There is no way I can sleep with contractions coming every three minutes. I think I would have lost it without Mark here. He is the only one besides Pookie to ever see me lose it.

"Before you know it," he whispers. "You'll be holding your beautiful Angel," I nod, agreeing. Gently, I run my hand over my belly. I know she's in there. I know she can hear what's going on outside. I just hope we aren't scaring her into wanting to stay in permanently.

I gasp, feeling her kick beneath my splayed fingers. Even nine months later, her kicks never fail to amaze me. Will I ever get used to the idea of being _Mommy? _

"You can always try walking," Kara, my midwife, says. "I hear you're not progressing so quickly," I sigh, glancing into her warm gray eyes. "Care to tell me about it?"

"My contractions are three minutes apart." I explain. "They hurt like hell, and I am only five and a half centimeters dilated," Kara nods. I am glad to see she is taking me seriously. "Anything you can do?"

"Well, Stage two labor on average takes seven and a half hours to end, so, one centimeter in two hours is quite good," she explains. I groan. "Did you bring the sports bra like I suggested?" I nod. "Get in the tub. Warm water will make the world of difference for your labor,"

Quickly, I change into my black bra. Loosely draping the bed sheet around me, I move into the bathroom, leaning on Roger. I don't care who sees me, The Whale. Warm water sounds so good right now.

Holding Mark's shoulder for support, I slip into the warm water. Quickly, the water does wonders for my aching back. I am no longer a whale. Now I am a dolphin, sleek and quick.

"When you reach seven," Kara warns. "I want you on a fetal monitor. We've come too far to risk little Angel," I nod. "She'll be here before you know it,"

"Mo, I never realized how big you were," Mark murmurs, staring at my belly. I groan, trying not to get too frustrated. I know he means well, but he is clearly not thinking. "I mean, not that big is bad. You're beautiful,"

A cool breeze drifts through the room. Could I be losing it? No windows are open, and we are nowhere near a door. I shake it off. I am in too much pain to worry that I'm losing it.

"I miss him," I murmur, my eyes drifting to a spot just beyond Mark's head. "I miss him." Collins has been dead maybe a month. The pain of losing him, my best friend, is still so fresh, so raw. Maybe it's being in labor that has made me so sentimental…

"He's here," Mark murmurs, gripping my hand. "He and Angel are here. I know it," I nod. Roger sits on the closed toilet lid. "Feeling better?" I shake my head. The pain is still so intense. So difficult to bear…

My mouth is so dry. It feels like I am spitting up cotton balls. Roger's not busy. Can I send him for ice? It's all I'm supposed to have. I need it. If I have to deal with this cottonmouth, I'm bound to puke.

"Roger?" I look in his direction, hoping I look innocent. He glances in my general direction. "Can you please get me some ice? I need to get something in me before I puke,"

He jumps up, and dashes outside the room. I groan, another contraction taking me. As I begin to scream, Mark offers me his hands. Gently, I pull. As the contraction peaks, I pull harder.

I hope I'm not hurting him, but I just hope he understands that this is helping me. The more I concentrate on pulling him forward, the more I am distracted from the contractions.

"Honey bear?" Joanne cautiously peeks around the doorframe. " Can I come in?" I nod, slowly. She slowly walks in. She seems calm. "How are you feeling?" Mark motions her to wait. She seems to understand. Then the contraction ends.

"I want you," I just want her to get in the water, and hold me. She is the only one who can get me through this. As much as I love Mark, he's not my Pookie. She nods. Mark leaves, promising to come back as soon as Joanne changes.

She quickly changes. I can't believe we've spent almost this entire day fighting. Why? This is supposed to be one of the happiest days of our life.

"Relax," she murmurs, her breathing tickling my ear. I nod, watching her climb in. As soon as she's in, I relax in her arms. Suddenly, I feel better, the best I've felt all day.

"I love you," The words leave my mouth before I know what's going on. It sounds so weird, and yet, it's not.

I do love her, even if I never act like it.

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	3. Transistion

Truths that She Learned

Transition 

Disclaimer: I own no one!

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"Mark," I plead, my body being ripped in half. "Let me go home." I've changed my mind. I don't want to be here. I want to be safe in my bed, not in this _hospital. _People die here! "Please?" He looks at me, massaging his temples. " I'll never tell Joanne that you were the one who sprung me,"

"Maureen," He sounds rational. God, I hate when he sounds rational. That usually means he's going to say no to whatever I've asked him to do. "A- I am not a midwife. You're close to giving birth. You are not delivering in my bed, at the loft. B- Joanne would kill me."

"Maureen," Mimi squats next to me. "You're doing so good." She gently squeezes my hand. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Benny sneak in. He stands in the corner, his eyes focused on the ground. "I know you're in pain, but it's all worth it,"

A contraction starts. Suddenly, a wave of panic rises to my chest. I begin to shake, and hyperventilate. Why am I here? Why am I doing this? Can't they give me medication to stop this? I swear she can live in me for the next eighteen years, _if this pain will stop! _

Joanne's parents walk in. Groping blindly, I find Mark's arm, and jam my nails in. I hear him wince, but I focus only on the pain. As the contraction ends, I feel something warm and wet on my arm. Glancing down, I see red streaks.

I've made Mark bleed.

Mimi stays with me, while Roger leads Mark to get taken care of at the nurses' station. I know he needs to get his arm taken care of, but I need him with me, especially since Joanne is downing coffee in an effort to stay awake. I need someone to support me. I can't do this alone.

"Angel," I plead, my voice rising in panic. "Help your namesake make her way safely. Don't let her get lost on her way to us." Why am I talking to the dead? Does this make any sense?

"Shh," Mimi murmurs, in that soft comforting way. "It'll be okay," I nod, calming down. She's almost here. That's the only thought that keeps me going. She's on her way. "You're doing great,"

I arch my back, another contraction beginning. They're coming closer together. Is that good? Does that mean I'll finally get to meet my Angel?

The monitor ticks slowly. _Lub Dub, Lub Dub, Lub Dub…_

The sound of a healthy heart.

There is no doubt a baby is inside me.

I have no clue why that thought springs to mind, but it does. It's almost as if until now this hasn't seemed real…but it is.

I'll be a mother before I know it.

My life will never be the same.

"Maureen?" Joanne's mother squats beside me. "Picture your body opening up like a beautiful flower," I jerk my head around. Obviously, she read the book before she gave it to her daughter.

I exhale slowly. I can feel the slightest beginnings of a contraction. I wonder what I'll do to her mother.

"I can't!" I wail, the pain beginning to peak. "I can't!" Tears fill my eyes. I'm going to be a lousy mother. That much is obvious. I'm going to ruin my daughter's life. She's going to hate me.

"Yes, you can." Mimi is firm, the firmest I've ever seen her. She shoves Joanne's mother out of the way. I gasp. No one's ever done that. "Sit up," I listen, even though it is so difficult. She slips behind me, and gently forces my legs into position. She tightens her grip on me until she feels the contraction ease.

"Wow," Her touch is doing wonders for me. It's as if with the stronger the contractions become, the more I crave human interaction.

"Is this helping?" she whispers. I nod. "My sister and her husband did this when she had their baby and it HELPED a lot." I nod. "How dilated are you?" I shrug, just as the nurse walks in.

"Ah, I was just going to suggest a position change," she says, placing a blanket over my legs. I wince, waiting for this to be over. "Eight centimeters,"

I had dilated three and a half centimeters in a little over nine hours. This was going to go on forever. I am never going to be comfortable again.

"When was the last time you peed?" the nurse asks, checking my chart. "Do you remember?" I shook my head. "Okay, do you want to try?" What am I, three years old? "A full bladder can cause unnecessary pressure on the uterus which can cause extra pain."

"Can I wait for my partner or my back up coach?" I ask. If I have to choose to have someone in the bathroom with me, I want Mimi, Mark or Joanne. Someone I trust…and that's not Benny or Joanne's parents.

"Of course," she says, smiling. "Just page me when you're ready. I'm Hilary." She smiles, as she leaves, And I feel Mimi's hand gently come into contact with the back of my head.

"Stop flirting."

Wow… I was flirting? Who knew I could be myself even under so much pain?

I moan, as another contraction begins. Suddenly, I feel pressure around my waist, in the exact area Mimi's hands are. The more the contraction progresses, the tighter she grips. Suddenly, this is bearable. I don't want to die anymore. I can do this!

"Thank you," I mouth. She nods, smiling. The contraction ends.

Joanne walks in, holding a cup of coffee. I hold my arms out. I need her touch. Mimi is comforting, but she's _**not **_Joanne.

"I need your help," I say. "The nurse wants me to use the bathroom, but I need two people," She nods, setting her coffee aside. "Meems?"

"Nope, I don't mind!" she chirps. I hit the red button, and quietly request Hilary. There's only a two-minute period between contractions. I just hope she gets here before another one begins.

"Okay!" she chirps, walking in. "Mama," Hilary faces Joanne. "Let her lean on you. She'll be unsteady on her feet, and I don't think you really want her taking a header." I drape my arms over her body. "You," She points to Mimi. "Stand behind her." Who knew it was such a production to get me into the bathroom?

Silently, I shuffle through the room. A contraction begins, just as we enter the bathroom. Hilary silently places me on the toilet, and Joanne offers me her hands.

"Maureen," Joanne's lawyer voice starts to pop up. Normally, I hate her lawyer voice, but now I find it strangely comforting. "You can do this." I glance into her eyes. "You're a tough cookie,"

"A tough cookie?" I question. She nods. "I knew I loved you for a reason,"

Before I know it, I'm back in bed, lying in Joanne's arms. She's taken Mimi's position, and is now copying Mimi's routine during contractions.

Mark walks in, his left arm covered in white gauze. Had I really hurt him that badly?

"It's fine," he murmurs, noticing my sympathetic gaze. "Although, you've set a record," I glare at him. "I'm serious!" I still glare. "Coral, this other nurse, swears she's never seen such bad claw marks from a laboring mother," I lay back, Joanne wrapping her arms tightly around me.

"I just want her out," I moan.

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	4. Second Stage Labor

Truths that She Learned

Second Stage 

Disclaimer: Nope, still own no one.

* * *

"Um, my contractions just slowed down." I murmur, hoping only the nurse can hear me. She looks at me.

"You're nine and three-quarters centimeters dilated. This means you're in the end of the transitional period. Don't worry. They'll pick up soon and you'll be holding your beautiful little girl." The nurse says, patting my hand. I sigh, my teeth beginning to chatter. I want this little girl out. I want to be comfortable again. No more pain, no more labor.

"Angel. Please bring her into this world safely. Be her spirit guide. She's your namesake after all. If you make her come now, I promise I will visit your grave every day."

Why am I losing my cool now? Why am I suddenly so afraid of losing control? What if I was wrong on this?

"Mark!" I squeal, suddenly panicking. "Can you get a nurse?" All this pressure is making me want to push. Pushing…is good…isn't it?

"What is it?" Joanne asks, setting the coffee cup aside. I glance up, my eyes teary.

"Our little bird's leaving the nest." I murmur, squeezing her hand. Suddenly, a contraction seizes me. I begin to pant, knowing I can't push even though the urge is terrible. "Where is Mark?"

"Relax. You're now in active labor." Joanne rests her hands on top of my belly. "This baby girl is coming. Our Blackbird is on her way." A nurse runs in, as Mark struggles to keep up.

"Okay," the nurse jams her gloved hand underneath the blanket. "This is it." She looks at me. "Everyone out except Mommy and coach!" She shoos everyone but Mimi and Joanne. I love Mark, I truly do, but Mimi is the better coach, and there's no way I want to have my in-laws watch me give birth.

"Maureen." Kara looks up at me. "When the next contraction begins, I want you to push. Push as hard as you can, and hold it for a ten count." I nod, hoping I can do this. "Focus on Joanne." As a contraction begins, I bear down, trying to focus on the task at hand.

"I am!" I wail. "I am!" Oh God…this pain…it's worse than anything I've ever experienced "Never again!" I huff.

"Okay." Kara looks at me. "You're doing great." I nod. "I can see her head, during the contractions. She's _right _there." I nod. "Two more big pushes should get her out." She glances to the nurse. " Plus four station." I have no idea what she means, but at this point, I could really care less.

"Chica, look at me." Mimi says. Wow…it's the loudest I've ever heard her. "Do you want to meet her?" I nod. "Push with all you have. You're Maureen Johnson." Yes, Chica, I know my name. "You don't quit." I bear down again, squealing loudly.

"Head's out!" Kara exclaims. "She's got a full head of hair!" I glance up to notice Joanne's lips silently moving. Another contraction begins. I push. "Shoulders are free." She glances up at me. "This little girl was in a hurry to come out."

"She wanted to greet the world like her lovely mommy." Joanne sniffles, kissing my head. As a final contraction hits, I push. A nurse spreads a warm flannel blanket on my stomach.

"We have a girl!" Kara exclaims, placing her on my stomach. As she cleans the baby's mouth and nose with a blue rubber bulb, I hold my breath.

Then, I hear the best sound any mother can ever hear.

"She's got your lungs!" Mimi jokes, tears pouring down her face. I glance into my baby's eyes…they're my eyes. She has the same brown eyes as me.

"Hello." I murmur. I feel as if I am greeting a long lost friend. "My Angel."

"What's her name?" A nurse questions.

"Angel Blackbird Jefferson-Johnson." Joanne murmurs.

For the first time, I know the meaning of true happiness.

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	5. Afterbirth

Truths that She Learned

Afterbirth

Disclaimer: I don't own a soul

I stare at the ceiling, trying to figure out what to say. Joanne sits next to me, our baby lovingly cradled in her arms. I am sore. I am tired. I want to sleep and yet, I'm too in awe over our miracle.

"Oh, Baby." Joanne gently cradles Angel tighter. "You did great." Suddenly, the stress of the day just vanishes. "I can't believe she's here."

I nod.

"Can I hold her for a while? Maybe try to feed her?" Our midwife had encouraged me to try feeding her as soon as I felt able to. Apparently, an early start was somewhat key to guaranteeing success in breastfeeding. "Before your parents come in?"

Joanne slowly moves towards me, placing the bundled baby in my arms. Gently, I ease the blanket off of her. Angel slowly opens her eyes and stares back at me. Everything I've read says babies are born with unfocused vision and yet, I get the feeling she recognizes me.

"Do you want some help?" Joanne's eyes dart towards the door. "I can get a nurse if you want."

"You leave-people will swarm." I sigh. "We can do this." Shakily, I untie the string holding my gown up. "Women have been doing this for centuries without help. I think I can manage to feed a baby." As my gown lowers, I suddenly freeze. What if I can't do this?

Joanne doesn't wait for me to speak. She silently leaves. I know she's getting help. Maybe it's not so awful to admit you need it.

"You're going to eat soon, Precious." I coo. She stares at me. "You're much tinier than I imagined you would be." Her birth weight's barely seven pounds. "Babies in my family are big. You're very delicate."

"Here I am." Hillary walks in. "I see you want to try feeding this little one." She takes the baby from me. "Hold your arm like this." She demonstrates a hold, using Angel.

I nod, copying her. As she eases Angel back in my arms, she gives me simple directions. Somehow, I can't comprehend what she's saying but I know what to do.

Three tries later, she's latched on and calmly nursing. I glance down, amazed. How am I managing to feed this baby? Will all of motherhood come this naturally?

The door opens slowly. I jump, startled. Remembering the baby, I glance down, hoping I haven't interrupted her feeding TOO much. She doesn't move, just intent on eating.

"Sorry, Chica. Just me." Mimi sits. "That's so sweet." She smiles. "Well. I told them."

"How'd they react?" Joanne glances up from me. "Are my parents upset? Do I need to go calm them?"

"I told them that Maureen wanted to see them but she also wanted time to rest and get cleaned up. They didn't mind too much." She reaches over and lightly strokes my arm. "How are you feeling, Mama?"

"Sore. Tired. Happy though. Very happy." I glance over. "Thank you, Pookie. I know I got a little crazy there."

She laughs. "I understand. That couldn't have been easy."

I yawn just as the baby stops nursing. Hillary takes her from me while Joanne helps me raise and tie my gown. As I lay back, Hillary sets her back in my arms.

"I feel like I never want to let her go." The words seem heavy on my tongue and yet they've never been more true. "She's here."

"Yes. She is." Joanne laughs. "Our Angel." She lightly runs her finger over Angel's arm. " I just wish Collins had gotten the chance to meet her." Her suddenly hollow eyes speak to something that had been missing on our happy day. The man's death had managed to leave a huge void for both us. "He gave us the hope to try."

"Bring them in." I dread having to pass her around but I know it will happen. It always happens. "They might as well meet her now."

Joanne disappears towards the waiting room. Mimi looks up at me expectantly. What does she want?

"Would you like to hold her?" It's the only thing I can think of that she might want. Gently, I ease her into Mimi's arms. "You're an old pro at this." This causes her to laugh.

"I've had some great practice."


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